Lyrically Speaking

When I was just shy of 19, I got my first job in a call center that outside of food service seemed to be the only acceptable job a fat person could have. Perhaps it was the same idea that I have a face for radio? Society decided, lets hide them in cubicles or sweatshop like spaces and handle phone call after phone call. They (fat people) can be productive but out of sight. But, I digress.  When I think back on my slow process from chubby over weight kid to “morbidly obese” teen I can say that it happened slowly. One day I was maintaining a size and 3-5 years later, I was moving up in size. By the time I was 19,  I was already in what is now considered a large fat bordering the line of crossing over from a size 32. I was already too fat for most plus sized clothing available. I was already part of the “here’s a tent” club. I was in a new place, with no friends yet and feeling the own weight of own feelings of being a troublesome burden to my family. I strongly believe and ...

I have been thinking about what I wrote the other day on an instagram post regarding my hesitation of wearing clingy clothing and how I only made mention of not liking clingy clothing for the “exposure of my bumps and stomach.” As if it was a shame I had felt. Not expressing that my hesitation is not only tied to my changing view of my body and exposing parts I have been told to cover up. But also because publicly posting and existing in tight clothing allows more fodder for fetish and objectifiers. The boldness I truly spoke of was pushing past these people in effort to show that we are allowed to “not cover up” and opening myself up to them more. Its a really hard thing for me to move past because it makes me incredibly angry.  My words are easily minced with insecurity and lacking confidence because I am learning to retrain my own fat phobic auto responses in my views of myself and others. They are easily seen as deficient in conviction because fat bodies are not afforded these ...