I have been thinking about what I wrote the other day on an instagram post regarding my hesitation of wearing clingy clothing and how I only made mention of not liking clingy clothing for the “exposure of my bumps and stomach.” As if it was a shame I had felt.
Not expressing that my hesitation is not only
tied to my changing view of my body and exposing parts I have been told to cover up. But also because publicly posting and existing in tight clothing allows more fodder for fetish and objectifiers. The boldness I truly spoke of was pushing past these people in effort to show that we are allowed to “not cover up” and opening myself up to them more. Its a really hard thing for me to move past because it makes me incredibly angry.
My words are easily minced with insecurity and lacking confidence because I am learning to retrain my own fat phobic auto responses in my views of myself and others. They are easily seen as deficient in conviction because fat bodies are not afforded these things without being “brave.”
And I hate the “it is what it is” or “ignore the haters” mentality and that more often than not we are meant to keep mute because people will consume without permission and we sign that blank check in our public exposure of learning to not hide ourselves and reclaiming our bodies as more than what we have been written off as.
How I process, learn and work to abolish the narrow white washed narrative of my body is so important because it’s not just the objectification that I fight. Because I know that fat phobia and shaming is so deeply rooted in an acceptable type of racism and that it effects the lives we live in more than just an overly sexualized nature.
But my body is and was never a flaw to be overcome and many of us are just now realizing the weight of this idea. We’re reclaiming ourselves in this process and beginning to see the worth we had, in a world where if we are not the punchline in a joke, we do not matter.
A world that continues to discriminate against us with medical bias, discrimination on jobs, housing, services, clothing options, and a basic concept of quality of life not understanding that our physical health is not the only defining criteria. And we are meant to say thank you for what limited options we have or we are confronted with the “then kill yourself or toe the line.” If you don’t like what there is, than change yourself.
I’ve tried that route. It is a never ending uphill battle and to be honest, I’ve decided to re-write that narrative. I’ve decided to say no thank you, that existence is simply to void of the flourishing differences for me to conform.
I am allowed to be angry that this same world wants to sexualize and dehumanize us also, then ask us to say thank you when they pay us a thinly veiled compliment because we don’t deserve the dignity or ability to exist publicly in any manner. And our willingness and boldness to post and talk about ourselves is considered brave. 
It is not bravery. For me, its that moment when you feel so cornered and tired that you make that last ditch effort to bite back and fight for your right to exist without asking permission. It’s taking back the space you have been told you don’t deserve. It’s not bravery. No, it’s empowerment, it’s a movement and much needed change.
It is not bravery. For me, its that moment when you feel so cornered and tired that you make that last ditch effort to bite back and fight for your right to exist without asking permission. It’s taking back the space you have been told you don’t deserve. It’s not bravery. No, it’s empowerment, it’s a movement and much needed change.
Comments
Post a Comment