The Hazard of Dating While Fat

A friend of mine who is also a bigger women shared with me that she felt that in order for fat women to be able to go into the dating world, they would have to deal with some sort of fetishism to an extent. And I silently agreed with her while my inner turmoil was brewing a new batch of resentment and anger at the world and society that I have to live in.

I have talked hours with other chubby girl friends about the stigma that is placed both on the larger women and the men who date them. We are an open “Oh, so that’s what you’re INTO. Got it.” As if this preference makes you less or weird. The stigma can by dramatic in the sense that I often warn people on dating profiles that I am not the Trophy girlfriend their friends will be jealous of.

I no longer have time to cater to the fetishism that surrounds my body and caving to the desires of men who objectify women for their own needs and often this makes me think that I may be alone forever. I obviously understand that preference does exist and desires do as well but in my 35-years of being on this planet very few men who I have dated or have been attracted to me have accepted me as is without requiring that I bend or break off parts of myself to fit their idea of who I should be and it has scarred me in ways that I am still trying to heal from, and I no longer have pieces to give.

I am saying no to things that no longer serve me purpose. I am saying no to people who make me feel subhuman. I am saying no to modification of myself for another person unless this change is something I also want. I won’t accept less anymore because I’ve spent to long doing it only to find myself unhappy and discarded.

"I finally realized that I could be totally hot and attractive because of the way I looked not in spite of it." - Golda Poretsky (Hot & Heavy)

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