Skip to main content

nothing but the real thing will do...

“Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.” - J.K Rowling 

An Open Letter to my Doctor,

Dude, I don’t need an appetite suppressant, I need to make better choices when I eat food and eat them regularly. Instead of looking at me as a fat person, let’s take out the FAT part and you can just look at me as a person. Maybe we could Discuss what my diet consists of. You’ll see that my main issue is that I don’t eat breakfast, rarely eat lunch and snack on small stupid things and clearly I know this, I need better tools to help change this. 

If you actually talked to me like you might with someone who was not a FAT person and just a person in your eyes, you would probably know that my diet has been shit since I was a kid. When your foundation was mac and cheese, hot dogs and ramen consistently – you know those things loaded with sodium it is bound to make anyone fat if eaten consistently… Yah, that’s what I grew up on.  My food choices are no different than those of my peers, who, by the way are mostly skinny or average sized humans.

Please stop seeing only my fat and see beyond it. It’s dangerous to my health for you to treat visually instead of whole issues. It’s also very damaging to my self-esteem. Do not be that person who thinks that making me feel shitty will help. It is part of the reason I haven’t seen a doctor in 4-years. Every time I do, I end up hating myself and that is a dark and scary place for me to be.  I have come too far to allow you to see me as FAT rather than a person.

Help me make better choices give me suggestions that help other than “This will help you stop eating. And if you stop eating you won’t be fat.” If I stop eating, then I am on the opposite spectrum, which also comes at a cost to health.  But hey, I’m obese, so I have a lot of fat to loose before it comes to me becoming Anorexic and hospitalized for that. And clearly that is better than treating what is actually the issue and giving me valid tools to help me move myself along the path to better health.

Also? Fuck you.

Sincerely,


A Person. 
Labels:

Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 9, 2016 at 11:10 AM

    I just want to hug you when I see what the world has hurt you with. I will always love you that way. You are far to amazing to allow things to hurt you so much. Start by managing your life. We aren't our parents responsibility anymore, we are our own. It is something I had to learn too. I know I had surgery and sometimes I feel like people say "she did it the easy way" well know nearly 13 years later after Jan 17 I can say....look my stomach is about the size as it were when I was 13....it took 13 years to grow and 13 years to create new bad habits....and 13 years to say the battle is never over. You constantly have to think about your health, it is you, your health is your physical experience you offer yourself in the world. Limited by your own abilities. I hope this year you will find your answers are within yourself. A doctor....a 129 lb doctor, is still a man, who still doesn't know how to deal with stuff....a friend who's been there, does. I love you very much and want success for your life....the truth of it is this....do you? We are no longer or parents children...we are our own responsibility. Treat yourself how you should have been treated.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I'm So Sorry That You Have to Have A Body....

 I was walking through a crowed casino hall on New Years Eve with my then boyfriend and friend, we were making our way to the area where there was supposed to be a balloon drop at midnight and I was really excited to be spending my first New Years Eve with my boyfriend – some parts because I managed to get him out of the house with me, but mostly because I have always loved New Years Eve.  It always represented a change for me where one door closes an another one opens. New Year, new me and all that jazz. Thought I have never been one for New Years Resolutions, I have always liked the magic of something new.  As we made our way through the crowed a women made a rude comment about my weight which I ignored because I was used to it, but also because I was on a mission to kiss a very attractive man under a shower of balloons.   The comment, however, was very triggering to my friend and she rushed off and out of the casino. Not wanting her to be alone and to figure o...
Post a Comment
Read more

Combat, I'm Ready for Combat. I Say I Don't Want That But What if I do?

Here is how body image issues get to me: Yesterday my active wear from Lane Bryant arrived after much anticipation. I was so excited that I didn’t waste any time putting on the elastic pants pulling them up over my large hanging stomach and feeling the thick band secure around my waist. Skeptically I walked briskly out of the bathroom and around our downstairs living area. The pants stayed firmly around my waist. I jiggled my body. Nothing. I beamed.   I sat down, then got up again. Beamed again. They were staying firmly around my hips and holding the hanging fat of my stomach closer to my body which helped moving around without issue.  This was monumental for me purely for the fact that I had always struggled with pants staying up around my waist and struggled even more with finding leggings or any type of pant that would allow me to move my body freely without constant disruption of holding my pants up with my hands. It’s not that I don’t like moving my body or exercising,...
Post a Comment
Read more

Thanks for making me a fighter...

I have been thinking about what I wrote the other day on an instagram post regarding my hesitation of wearing clingy clothing and how I only made mention of not liking clingy clothing for the “exposure of my bumps and stomach.” As if it was a shame I had felt. Not expressing that my hesitation is not only tied to my changing view of my body and exposing parts I have been told to cover up. But also because publicly posting and existing in tight clothing allows more fodder for fetish and objectifiers. The boldness I truly spoke of was pushing past these people in effort to show that we are allowed to “not cover up” and opening myself up to them more. Its a really hard thing for me to move past because it makes me incredibly angry.  My words are easily minced with insecurity and lacking confidence because I am learning to retrain my own fat phobic auto responses in my views of myself and others. They are easily seen as deficient in conviction because fat bodies are not afforded these ...
Post a Comment
Read more