The Hazard of Dating While Fat

A friend of mine who is also a bigger women shared with me that she felt that in order for fat women to be able to go into the dating world, they would have to deal with some sort of fetishism to an extent. And I silently agreed with her while my inner turmoil was brewing a new batch of resentment and anger at the world and society that I have to live in.

I have talked hours with other chubby girl friends about the stigma that is placed both on the larger women and the men who date them. We are an open “Oh, so that’s what you’re INTO. Got it.” As if this preference makes you less or weird. The stigma can by dramatic in the sense that I often warn people on dating profiles that I am not the Trophy girlfriend their friends will be jealous of.

I no longer have time to cater to the fetishism that surrounds my body and caving to the desires of men who objectify women for their own needs and often this makes me think that I may be alone forever. I obviously understand that preference does exist and desires do as well but in my 35-years of being on this planet very few men who I have dated or have been attracted to me have accepted me as is without requiring that I bend or break off parts of myself to fit their idea of who I should be and it has scarred me in ways that I am still trying to heal from, and I no longer have pieces to give.

I am saying no to things that no longer serve me purpose. I am saying no to people who make me feel subhuman. I am saying no to modification of myself for another person unless this change is something I also want. I won’t accept less anymore because I’ve spent to long doing it only to find myself unhappy and discarded.

"I finally realized that I could be totally hot and attractive because of the way I looked not in spite of it." - Golda Poretsky (Hot & Heavy)

Comments

I'm So Sorry That You Have to Have A Body....

I was walking through a crowed casino hall on New Years Eve with my then boyfriend and friend, we were making our way to the area where there was supposed to be a balloon drop at midnight and I was really excited to be spending my first New Years Eve with my boyfriend – some parts because I managed to get him out of the house with me, but mostly because I have always loved New Years Eve. It always represented a change for me where one door closes an another one opens. New Year, new me and all that jazz. Thought I have never been one for New Years Resolutions, I have always liked the magic of something new. As we made our way through the crowed a women made a rude comment about my weight which I ignored because I was used to it, but also because I was on a mission to kiss a very attractive man under a shower of balloons. The comment, however, was very triggering to my friend and she rushed off and out of the casino. Not wanting her to be alone and to figure o...

Combat, I'm Ready for Combat. I Say I Don't Want That But What if I do?

Here is how body image issues get to me: Yesterday my active wear from Lane Bryant arrived after much anticipation. I was so excited that I didn’t waste any time putting on the elastic pants pulling them up over my large hanging stomach and feeling the thick band secure around my waist. Skeptically I walked briskly out of the bathroom and around our downstairs living area. The pants stayed firmly around my waist. I jiggled my body. Nothing. I beamed. I sat down, then got up again. Beamed again. They were staying firmly around my hips and holding the hanging fat of my stomach closer to my body which helped moving around without issue. This was monumental for me purely for the fact that I had always struggled with pants staying up around my waist and struggled even more with finding leggings or any type of pant that would allow me to move my body freely without constant disruption of holding my pants up with my hands. It’s not that I don’t like moving my body or exercising,...

Thanks for making me a fighter...

I have been thinking about what I wrote the other day on an instagram post regarding my hesitation of wearing clingy clothing and how I only made mention of not liking clingy clothing for the “exposure of my bumps and stomach.” As if it was a shame I had felt. Not expressing that my hesitation is not only tied to my changing view of my body and exposing parts I have been told to cover up. But also because publicly posting and existing in tight clothing allows more fodder for fetish and objectifiers. The boldness I truly spoke of was pushing past these people in effort to show that we are allowed to “not cover up” and opening myself up to them more. Its a really hard thing for me to move past because it makes me incredibly angry. My words are easily minced with insecurity and lacking confidence because I am learning to retrain my own fat phobic auto responses in my views of myself and others. They are easily seen as deficient in conviction because fat bodies are not afforded these ...

Lyrically Speaking

Search This Blog