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Some of Them Want to Use You...

I haven’t quite figured out how to take certain things back and claim the ownership. Like the term, Super-Sized Big Beautiful Women (SSBBW) which apparently I am.

What I should be doing:

    Delete.

    Block.

    Move on.

What I Am doing:

    Allowing it to permeate my brain and simmer angrily inside me.

So let me allow myself a moment to open the metaphorical vein and bleed it out because I can’t seem to shake it and I can’t seem to put in into the category of words that I have taken back and used as my own. Words like fat, chunky, or chubby. They seem to easily switch to the side of good.

SSBBW, implies a lack of person to me. It’s a term used in search engines that I find to dehumanize and reduce women to objects. Objectification of fat people seems to be my biggest “trigger” in any situation where I go from feeling good, to feeling pissed off. It’s not something endearing and I liken it to the backhanded compliment “You have such a pretty face.” It’s one of those qualifiers that isn’t necessary to me. Why do we have to quantify the type fat a person? We already do that with our sizing in clothing and the obviousness of our bodies.

Can’t I just be a pretty person? Why do I have to be a beautiful SSBBW? And why do I have to have such feelings of disgust for the term?

I know it’s the connotation of objectification that is found in the porn search sites, the dehumanization that I see on fetish sites.  The degrading for sexual pleasure found rooted deep in the fetish. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s not that these people like fat or larger bodies, or if it’s that they get off on the power of reducing a person to an animal or thing.

This is not to say that you cannot be attracted to people who are larger at all, just that in my experience SSBBW is a coined fetish word where women are posed in too tight or too small clothing for men to consume. And I know I am certainly not alone as a women or fat women to say that I don’t want to be consumed by men and I struggle with this in all forms of social media.

If I present myself publicly as a confident fat women in effort to help those around that struggle with their own struggles of existing in fat bodies and accepting of their bodies I take the hit that men will see this as an opportunity to consume and disrespect my boundaries. We live in a society where objectification is all we can do and I find it simply exhausting to live up to the expectation of it all and it makes me feel rage and anger. So where do I find the happy medium where this no longer bothers me and I am able to conduct myself in my quest to be a voice in the crowd of women screaming:

  • I AM A PERSON!
  • I AM NOT AN OBJECT!
  • I AM NOT HERE FOR YOUR CONSUMPTION!
  • I DON’T OWE YOU MY TIME!
  • I AM SMART
  • I DON’T OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION!
  • I AM NOT HERE FOR YOU TO TELL ME HOW TO BE.
  • I AM FAT!
  • I AM BEAUTIFUL!
  • I AM MORE THAN THESE FETISH DESCRIPTORS.

One Does Not Simply Meme - Imgflip


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Comments

  1. KFDJune 30, 2020 at 12:05 PM

    Here is the reality, BBW, SSBBW, fa, are all outdated pejoratives. Quite honestly, I load all of those terms. I am not a fat admirer, even though I am extremely outspoken about my preference for larger women, I don't admire fat. That is just something your body contains, some more than others. And you are absolutely correct that it does dehumanize, and another term I loathe, fetishizes, someone. It's just human nature to categorize. We categorize everything. In this case BBW, SSBBW, even USSBBW is a byproduct a time when the entire community, and the plus-size movement gave more legitimacy in society today. In all honesty, in 1979 when term was coined, obesity rate in Society were a lot different, and we needed that differentiation. As you have noted, is become more associated with a fetish. That is entirely different rant I can go on about all day, the fetish versus preference. I am no more a fetishist or have a sexual taboo then the guy judging me who has had three Asian ex-wives, or a homosexual couple. The biggest challenge size acceptance is overcoming is the outdated societal notion that women of size can not be anything other than comic relief, or someone's Dirty Little Secret. I still scratch my head at the guy who was still ashamed of liking women of size in 2020. That should not be an issue. As well as being outspoken about my instinctual preference, I'm also Unapologetic about what makes my knees weak, or my heart beat fast. The sad part is we don't have more guys doing that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jenn CAugust 11, 2020 at 12:29 AM

      Thanks. I totally agree and I see the difference often, but the line gets blurred and its very difficult to be seen as anything other than a fetish or secret when thats your collective experience.

      Delete
  2. UnknownOctober 30, 2020 at 9:14 AM

    Man am I late to the party with responding to this. As a guy dating who is physically attracted to bigger women, it can be challenging when off the bat she's expecting to be fetished. It makes it hard to lay a foundation for something to sprout up and potentially blossom. It makes sense though because I'm sure they deal with this all day long from other guys just as much as thinner girls do. I've found the best way to handle this is just treating conversations like any other.

    ReplyDelete

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