I’m hopin’ things look up; but there ain’t no job openings I feel discouraged, hungry and malnourished

 I work in a field that is already a heavy subject. It’s already draining on the soul when it deals with so much loss. I also work in an office that is toxic and whose tone is constantly set by who is having a bad day or is overwhelmed, it is generally management.

I work in this environment, during covid, a pandemic that is effecting even those who love their work places and jobs.  By the end of the work day, I am exhausted. I am emotionally compromised. Every. Day.  And I feel like sometimes I still have to put on an act and pretend that every day isn’t a fight.

People wonder why I am distant, or simply can’t pick up the phone? My reality is, every day I fight a battle both external and internal. And every day I leave depleted of the ability to do anything outside of the smallest tasks, like some laundry, some dishes, sweeping the floor etc.

And when I finally do fall asleep, late into the evening it isn’t enough. It’s never enough, and getting out of bed to do it all again, seems daunting.  I am drained. I am exhausted. And I am doing everything I can to prevent myself from the fall.