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There will be an answer, let it be.

"Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat."
So yeah, I use an online dating app/website because I go to work, I come home, I go to class. Rinse. Repeat. There doesn’t seem to be the time or the friend/family connection to more people that there could be for other people.  And I am at that point where I kind of wish I could get an arranged marriage. Not that I am in any hurry to get married. But more so that I am in a hurry to not be alone. I need someone to adventure with me. Companionship really.

A while ago there was a video experiment that this group did where they showed a hot girl dressed in a “Fat Suit” and how guys responded when they met in person.  You can view that video here.  Then of course they did the reverse where they showed a man in a fat suit and the response from women. You can see that video here. The results are saddening. 

I am fat so these are legitimate fears I have when going onto a website or even meeting people the regular way. My insecurities are not that I am fat, but how others view
me because I am fat. I am constantly responding to friends who compliment me with things like “I know, I’m just trying to convince the rest of the world.” I have a high sense of self in regards to the way I look. I dress well, my eyes are fantastic and I have some great hair. I am grateful that I have a “pretty face.” But I am more than just a pretty face and I could probably write an entire book on existing while fat, however the real reason for this word-vomit is because over the weekend a guy* messaged me on the app and asked me why I was “pretending to be sexy.”

Excuse me? First of all, I am sexy, regardless if this person thinks I am or not. But what really bothered me about this person is that they felt the need to message me. Regardless of the fact that I had not “approached” him in any way shape or form. I didn’t message him and I had never seen his profile before. This wasn’t a new experience, but it was one that I hadn’t really had in a while so I was taken back by this strangers need to criticize me for no other reason that my existence bothered them.

I responded to the person, calling them out on the bullshit. I realize that it means nothing to people like this, but it felt good for me to state my own personal opinion.  He responded calling me a hungry hippo. I’m sure it took him a lot to find that insult, really had to get in touch with his basic child insults to make sure I was aware that he was not attracted to me. As if it mattered?

While I tend to be good at ignoring the comments off others this one seemed to seep in and I was hurt. I was also mad. I still am mad because what if his message had gone to someone who wasn’t as strong as I am? What if it went to someone who was on the verge of sadness and waiting for the final nudge?


Mostly, why are people so cruel? 
“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” – Brian Andreas

* Side note, I hope this guy chokes on his spit. 
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