Color My World

When I was 18 I moved to Bloomington Illinois to live with my Aunt. It was the first time I had ever seen so many people of color (POC) in the same place as me. I grew up in Arizona and the ethnic make-up of my childhood was more so Hispanic, Native American and white people. That’s not to say that Hispanic and Native American’s are not people of color, but I mean black people in general. There were of course, black people, but there were far less and none in any of my social circles. So moving to Illinois and working with so many POC was, for lack of a better phrase, culture shock and culture admiration for me. It’s when the white bubble I lived in truly popped.

When I say cultural admiration, I mean that in the child-like wonder and excitement to learn more. Outside of history classes about slavery and civil rights, I knew very little about black culture and I wanted to know more. But I was also was very naive falling into the same cultural appropriation of wanting to touch one of my (VERY PATIENT) co-workers hair. I didn’t realize it then, but now that I think back at the barrage of questions I had for her, my white privilege really was oozing out of me and she was so very patient and kind to answer all of my questions and tolerate my comments. I know now how ridiculous it is and how very uncomfortable it is for her, and really anyone subjected to this nonsense. I just have always had admiration of every style and look they could pull off. And I always found the color of their skin so beautiful. In my eyes, I had always seen people of color as better and stronger and more beautiful and I say that without any intention to fetishize them, just simply state it.

Because of this, it’s hard to wrap my brain around the fact that we’re still fighting for them to be considered equal and that their lives matter. It’s hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that there are people who disagree with this statement. Like are you fucking kidding me here?

When I moved to Michigan in my twenties, I was actually excited to find that in one of my English courses, I was the minority. And when people asked me what I loved best about living in New Jersey, it’s always been the culture that I was exposed to and I feel like that’s what so many people are missing from their lives out of fear, ingrained racism and an inability to see past their own white privilege, because the melting pot of culture that can be found in Major cities across the United States is and will always be why I prefer a city life to a country life. I want the color, I want the ethnic diversity because that is where knowledge truly thrives. That is where growth and ideas merge. That is the America I want. Not the closed book, this is how it is and this is how it will always be. I want change, I want love, I want the stories and perspectives of all that come to the table.

With all of the protests and demonstrations that have been happening across the country with regards to police brutality and the unjust killing of people based on racial profile I’ve been thinking a lot about my privilege as a white person and just how little I knew and know about the struggle that many people of color have. I want to listen, I want to learn and I want to engage and protect and help dismantle the systematic racism that permeates every facet of life. I want to be the best ally I can be because all lives can’t matter until black lives do.